Becoming An Ally

25 Years in DE&I: A Reflection and a Call to Action

This year marks 25 years since I began working in the diversity space. Back then, “diversity” wasn’t a hot-button issue. Today, DE&I has become a toxic acronym—polarizing a topic that should be empowering, energizing and helping businesses drive impressive bottom-line results.

Over the next few months, I’ll be sharing reflections on the past, present and future of this work. My goal? To spark conversations, especially with your teams—at staff meetings, in 1:1s, or around the lunch table. I want to create opportunities for real dialogue and growth—starting with allyship and the actions that support it. If you’re in a senior leadership role, the actions you take will be in accordance with your role. If you’re an individual contributor, do your part within your own sphere of influence.

How It Started

25 years ago, I was asked to lead a diversity training initiative at my Fortune 200 employer. I didn’t know why they picked me—a straight white guy who didn’t understand “this diversity thing.” But the company had just laid off 8,000 people, and I was grateful to still have a job.

The training itself? Think: a bad episode of The Office. Most participants were there because they had to be—including me.

But something interesting happened.

As I sat through the sessions, I started to hear stories. Real, compelling stories—from colleagues I knew and respected—about sexism, racism and homophobia. One story in particular stopped me cold.

The Story That Changed Me

My epiphany occurred when one of my friends and colleagues, a Black man got up and told a story (now remember the year was 2000 and well before instances like this were caught on camera and have become front page news that they are today).

My friend was the VP of Manufacturing. He drove a nice car, a really nice car. And he shared how he was pulled over by police nearly every week—for driving a nice car, in a nice neighborhood; his own neighborhood. I want you to imagine this. You’re tired at the end of the day and you’re pulled over by police and you know you’ve done nothing wrong. His lowest moment? When he was pulled over with his 12-year-old son in the car. All he could do is put his hands on the steering wheel and be polite. Because he knew as a father of a black son that the behavior he modeled in that moment, may save his son’s life someday.

I was blown away. That story shifted something in me.

I realized that my children would never have to think about such an encounter, and I would never have to worry about preparing them for it. I began to understand what privilege meant—not as guilt, accusation or blame, but as the unearned advantages I have simply for being who I am. I saw how the world worked differently for others.

In HR vernacular, that moment was my white male epiphany.

What I Did Next

I didn’t become an ally overnight, but I got curious. I started asking questions. I read more. One of the most powerful resources I found was the now-famous essay, Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack by Peggy McIntosh. (Yes, it’s dated—but still worth reading and discussing. Here’s the link).

This is what I learned: Privilege is hard to see when you have it. It’s not about blame or shame—it’s about awareness. And once you see it, you can’t unsee it. You can then start to better understand the experiences of people around you.

A Simple First Step to Allyship: Listen to Learn

I invite you to share my story with your team or colleagues. Use it as a jumping-off point for others to share their stories. If you’re in an underrepresented group, I encourage you to gather a mix of people from different backgrounds to participate. You don’t have to use words like “privilege” or “DEI.” Just have an honest conversation about what people are experiencing at work. Then listen—really listen.

You can do this at a staff meeting or over coffee. If you’re in a leadership role, model the behavior. If you’re an individual contributor, lead within your circle of influence. It doesn’t have to be big—it just has to be intentional.

Let Me Know What Happens

Try the “Listen to Learn” exercise with your team and tell me what you discover. Did people open up? Did something shift? I’d love to hear your reflections.

This is Part 1 of a series I’ll be sharing over the coming months. My hope is that you’ll not only read these—but share them, discuss them and choose to act.

Because change doesn’t happen from awareness alone. It happens when we choose to lead—with empathy, with purpose, and with others.

P.S.: Do me one more favor. If you have a Black male friend, ask him if this has ever happened to him and see what he says. Make sure it’s a good friend and you ask in a respectful manner. Or feel free to say I read this in an article…is this true? Their answer may surprise you.

Related article: Listen – Tips to Create Allies, Champions and Advocates